"Men"| h

The title of this post comes from the Lexus|h. It is a hybrid of the original Lexus. "Men" is in quotations because it has come to my attention recently that a lot of guys my friends and I meet are not really men, but "men".

This is simply an observation of mine, but it seems like a lot of new guys that my girl friends and I meet fall short of manning up. There are guys that are gay, there are guys that are metro... but there's a new breed in town! These guys are worse than girls on their WORST pms days. They are needy, they are overly emo, and anything can rub them the wrong way! What's up with these guys?

They get butt hurt if you don't message them a "hi" in the morning. They get butt hurt if you don't say "hey" to them at a huge gathering. As guys, I think it's necessary for you to man up! Girls have enough drama on their own, we don't need this extra baggage too.

To all the real men out there, please teach these "men" | h what's up... please...

Incomplete

Cooking used to be one of my passions. During my prep times at work, I would be on either 1) www.allrecipes.com or 2)www.foodnetwork.com to look up cool new things to make. Regardless of how tired I was after work, I would used to love going to the supermarket after work to pick up stuff and cook. It always brought me happiness when food came out super delicious with nice presentation as well.

Obviously, I wasn't cooking for one. It used to make me so happy to be able to "play house" with my former best friend and have a nice meal prepared by the time he came home. I have recently picked up my side cooking hobby again (cooking on a budget, of course), and today it hit me. Cooking doesn't give me half the satisfaction it did before. I have came to grips that I won't be able to "play house" anymore, and the last meal I cooked for that best friend of mine was many months ago.

Besides cooking, there used to be a lot of other things I did which brought me constant happiness. And although I still do them, it's just not the same. Even something as simple as conversations with others, it's not the same. I feel like no one truly understands me the way my former best friend did. I've been busy with many things, but at the end of the day, there is still an emptiness inside of me which may not be quenched for a long time.

Although I have consumed my time with lots of random things, a part of me is still incomplete...

Bad Timing? or... God's Perfect Timing?

This has been a thought that's been circling around in my head for the past few weeks. I've been planning on things to work out this or that way, but at the very end, God is very humorous and ends up changing my plans, yet still making them work out at the same time.

Just a thought...

Shattered

June 6 - June 10. I would consider this to be a very significant part of a change in life and comfort. During this short time span (one expected, and one quite unexpected), my two biggest comforts for the past two years was taken away from me. Although the two do not really correlate, I always just put one with the other because that's how it's been like for me.

Work has always been something I took for granted. True, the kids drove me crazy at times, but the other times, the stuff they do gives me this nice fuzzy feeling inside. I do miss teaching, it was fun and enjoyable, and I always got to chat during my preps (which was definitely a plus). *sigh*... those were the days. I wonder how my kids are doing though...

The other comfort I had, well... I don't necessarily feel like it became my idol, it's built me into a person I never thought I would become, and I'm thankful for that. But like many good things in my life, it always comes to an end. There's still a lot of things that happened here which I don't fully comprehend, and I'm not God, so I'm not surprised that many things don't make sense to me at all. I understand that people undergo a season of changes... but many changes just don't make sense.

How can someone who made you feel like you're the best thing that's happened to them also be the same someone who can now make you feel like you're the most worthless thing in the world (in their eyes)? How can someone who at first had so much faith in you now think that your life is a mess and you have no idea where you're headed? How can someone who made you feel so happy before be the same someone who can say so many harsh things to you? How can someone who claimed that you were the most important person in your life before now want close to nothing to do with you? How can someone who was your everything now want to become a close to nothing? How can someone you ran to before for comfort be the same one who you are now trying to run away from? How can someone you would be willing to die for be the same person who claims that they're burnt out by you? And how can someone who you put all your faith and trust in be the same person who can destroy you the most?

I'm still attempting to make sense of all of this. Maybe it was not supposed to make sense. I have a scar on my left hand because of this person and I know it will be there for the rest of my life. Although it was physically painful for a while, it's come and gone now. All I have left is the remnants of the burn. However, the inner scar left inside hurts 100x more. I would trade in any physical pain to get rid of the emotional pain that's been left inside. But how can something that can seem so right in your eyes, something you're so convicted is right turn out to be so wrong?

From Jack Bauer, 24

“Hey...
It's me. I'm here.
I know that I promised...to take care of you...and protect you...
But I'm at a crossroad.
Right now the best way... the only way... to do this is to let you go.
I hope one day you can understand me.
I hope one day you can forgive me.
I love you with all my heart.
And I always will."

Which episode?